oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
