Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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