they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
