They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
