just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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