we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
