oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
