I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
