How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
