Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
