I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
