I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
