Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize