i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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