To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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