I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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