I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
