Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just google imaged poop.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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