Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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