Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
