Define "chronic" masturbator.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
