i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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