and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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