Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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