At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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