question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
