She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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