If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
