Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
