All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
