Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
