The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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