Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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