Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
