there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
