How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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