dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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