And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
