I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
