Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
