The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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