How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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