I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
