Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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