Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
