if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
