Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
ttyl tear gas
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
