She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dear god my vagina.
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