I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
