dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
