My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
