She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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