There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
