no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Randomize
