And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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