i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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