You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
