shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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