I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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