I got chris browned last night
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
