glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize