I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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