You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
