Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
