And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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