can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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