Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
