I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
