My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
