I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
