The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
