bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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