You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
