she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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