My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
