Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
