rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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