is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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