how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
