it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
