OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
