I must be too annoying 4 u.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
