just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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