ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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