Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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