i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize